Friday, January 16, 2004
My arms are empty
OK. So honestly, I am seriously sad right now. Why? Well, in a few short weeks will be my first ue date. And I know when that day comes my arms will still be empty. I thought that the grief I felt would ease over time and it had. But lately all I can think about is that little baby that I will never see. I know that it was meant to happen exactly the way that it did..I know I am still young and have plenty of time...I know that atleast now I know I can conceive and I know that everything happens for a reason. But you know what...I find no comfort in that. All I know for sure is that I have no baby...not even one growing inside of me. I try to convince myself that there will be other times...other chances. And you know what...that very well maybe true...but it still doesn't ease this pain that I have. I look around me and see that everyone else has seemed to moved on...like they forgot about my little baby...my baby that WAS growing side of me...that was a physical part of me. I don't know why all of a sudden I have felt this way, but it just seems to get worse as each day goes by. I just wish that I could fast forward through Feb. 27th. Or that I could rewind to June and just not get pregnant in the first place. But I can't. I know that God has a plan and I know that He knows what is best for me. But I as a human can't even phathom why this had to happen. Why me? Why anyone? I just wish I knew the answers to my questions. But I know if that were the case then I would be God and I wasn't made to be Him. Hopefully, in time my heart won't ache so much. That it will heal itself. In time...
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1 comment:
I'm sorry to hear of your pain. Maybe having been picked as a top journal will give you some consolation since you can share your grief with a larger group and find wider support.
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