Let me set the scene:
Jon Kent is playing a guitar (it's actually a play shovel) and he is singing a song that he is making up as he goes along. He is walking all around the living room just a singing away....
Jon Kent: :::singing::::
Me: Jon Kent, what are you singing about?
Jon Kent: All my troubles.
After Kent got home I was able to verbalize to him all my anxieties and worries. He helped just by listening. He helped by letting me sort through all my thoughts. What I've learned today from all this: 1) I'm pretty grumpy when my mind is over loaded. 2) That I do a lot from my emotions and not so much from my head. Which isn't so much a bad thing.. but it can make things complicated at times. 3) That despite what it feels like at that moment.. life does go on and the day does end. So don't think it's a life and death situation because it always isn't.
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Nathan is trying his hardest to sit up on his own. He has been semi sitting on his own for awhile. He'll hunch over and put his hands in front of him like a puppy dog does when they are sitting. He's been doing that for a few weeks. But now he is starting to straighten up a bit. Whenever he is laying down he will try his hardest to pull himself into a sitting position. So it won't be long now. Jon Kent was sitting alone at just shy of 6 months (5.5.05, actually) and Zoey was sitting by herself at a little over 5 months (5.6.06, lol). So in the next few weeks he should be doing it.. How exciting!!
I do it to myself. I know I do. And that fact alone makes it all just sadder. Ever have a day where you have a list that needs to get done and you get it done all the while adding to the list? For instance.. today I had to wash clothes, clean the kitchen, clean the bathrooms and iron. So, I did all that. The whole time I'm doing that I'm thinking I really need to go through the kids toys.. they have so many broken toys, toys they don't use, toys they are too old for, etc. Then I think.. well I need to go through their closets and weed out the out grown clothes. Well.. I need to go through my own closet and weed out the old clothes, etc. Well.. I just need to fall clean. So off I go to make a list to start my falling cleaning. THEN on top of all that I think, I really need to call the college and get with someone so they can tell me what courses I need to take, what tests I need to take to place me in the appropriate classes, etc. THEN I think I need to make a list for grocery shopping.. and I need to go grocery shopping this afternoon. THEN I think, I need to rearrange the stuff in the kitchen cabinets and pantry.. just put it on the fall cleaning list.... I'm thinking all this within seconds of each other... it's really crazy. I HATE, HATE, HATE doing this. HATE.IT!!!!! I honestly feel like I'm slowing being wrapped up from my toes to my head until I can't breathe. The sad part about all of this is the fact that once I do it all.. there will be something else to do as well. The day of a mother never, ever ends. Never.
So to fall cleaning.. I made my list. I plan to slowly get it done when I can. Since Kent will be away for 2 weeks I guess I'll do it then. I also have consignment to do as well. This may be the last time I do it, I just can't see doing it once I start back to school. My plate is already full as it is.. adding school to do is just going to make it all the more full.. I'll manage.. always do.
In regards to school stuff.. I'm overwhelmed. Just being honest. It seems harder to go back to school than it does to just start school. You know? I got my transcripts from my previous school, so all I need to do now is get in touch with an advisor with the school and see what I need to do. I was told actually getting into the nursing program can be quite hard. Because there are so many applicants but not enough teachers, so they can only take X-amount of students. And for the RN program you can only apply once a year. I hope when I do apply that I will be accepted. That would make it a lot easier because I can just get it started. Once I'm started I know it will flow a lot easier.. but right now I just feel like I'm treading water. Ah well.. enough of my griping.
Some days I'll be busy doing something or another and Jon Kent will walk by and it will all of a sudden hit me.. "When did he grow up?" I swear it seems like he should still be little and talking like a baby. But there he is, playing like a big boy, talking like a big boy. We have conversations that actually make sense.. at times. I don't know when it happened, but it did. He grew up on me. And to think that this is just the beginning. That he will continue (if we are so blessed) to grow and learn. I guess since he's my first it just seems so unreal. By the time Zoey gets to a new stage, we have been through it already with Jon Kent so with her it seems like she should be doing those things. Although I was looking at a picture of Zoey we took at the beach and she just looked... beautiful. Not that I don't always think that, but.. I don't know.. it was just different. And not to forget Nathan.. he'll be 5 months old in a few days. Today he was sitting in the highchair watching the older two play and you could see the learning in his eyes as he watched them run and play. He didn't miss a beat of what they were doing. It's these moments that make motherhood worth it. All the unappreciated days just fade away in these moments of clarity, when I can look at my kids for who they are and can see, if only a glimpse, the bigger picture that God has for them and for me as their mother. It's peaceful.
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Kent is going away for two weeks (!!!) starting the 15th of this month. He is going to a firearms instructors thingy. They will be will training him, and others from the prison, to be instructors to teach shooting classes and such. Two weeks, I will be tending to the herd alone. Two weeks. I'm really not concerned too much about it. I'm an adult.. I just hate to the thousandth degree to be alone at night. HATE.IT. I'm really hoping to get over that though. I mean it's just the dark. Although it's not so much the dark that I don't like.. but what lurks in the dark. You can ask Kent and he will tell you that I have a wild way of thinking. That my imagination's wheels will start turning and I can think of 10 things/people that could be out in the woods just waiting for our lights to go out so they can storm the house and attack us all. Crazy right? Yeah, I know. But still.. Anyway, he'll be gone for two weeks and we'll manage. We always do.
The kids haven't been to "school" in over a week. Some of it has to do with me, but most of it has to do with the daycare.. or at least the Mother's Day out part of it. I didn't really like the way it was set up. There was no real rhyme or reason to it. They didn't do activities or have a special time for "learning" (no book reading, coloring, etc.). They had music time, but I think it was only on Fridays. The rest of the time two ladies sat in chairs and watched the kids play. I would pack a snack every day for them and would tell the workers where it was in their bags.. everyday their snacks were never eaten. So they went from 7:30am-12:30 or 1pm without eating or drinking........ The whole situation just didn't sit well with me. It was just something in my gut that said.. "Umm, this just isn't right." So, once the kids got sick and contagious.. lol.. we kept them out of school and while I miss having those days free to clean, grocery shopping and spend solo with Nathan, I couldn't justify spending $240 a month for them to be kept and have no "growth" from it. So whatever. We found out today that the school district that we are going to send the kids to has a Pre-K program for 3 year olds and 4 year olds. I think I'm going to call them and see about getting the kids (Jon Kent and Zoey) in next year. We were told there was a waiting list so I want to go ahead and try to get them on it sooner rather than later.
OK, this may shoo away some of my readers.. but here goes. I'm a Republican. Proud of it, too. I'm not thrilled with McCain but versus the contrary, he'll do. I like his VP nomination. I know to some he is just going after the "Hilary" vote. And he may be.. Smart man, I say. And now with Sarah Palin's daughter taking spotlight it would seem he made a bad choice. But I wouldn't agree. I think the Palin family is doing all the right things. They have been honest and up front about this. They are proud of their daughter for keeping the baby (rather than killing him/her) and they have been straight forward that it will be hard for the teen parents and it will indeed be a hard road for them. They haven't sugar coated it to them. And at the same time they are proud to be grandparents. Who, if they truly loved their child, wouldn't be? In a perfect world the kids would have waited to become parents.. but this isn't a perfect world. So the Palins are doing what any grandparents would do for their unborn grandchild.. they are supporting that child's parents by being there for them and lending a hand where a hand is needed. I like what I see in Sarah Palin. I think she is a strong woman who has balanced being a wife and mother with having a career. I think she can bring a great spot light to causes for children with Down Syndrome. She seems to have done well as a governor and I think she will do fine as a VP. All those who wanted Hilary Clinton in the White House because "it's time for a woman to be at the White House.." well here you go. She's a woman, she's a mother and in 4 months(ish) she'll be a grandmother too! Covers all the bases pretty well.
*Note: If you want to leave a comment that's fine.. just know that my views are *MY* views and no comment from anyone will change them. Thanks.
