Getting back to the basics

I had post partum depression after having Jon Kent.  I let it go for a long time because I was trying to be "strong".  I wanted to prove that I was stronger or smarter than it and that I didn't need any help.  Stupid is what I was.  I eventually got the help I needed and things were like night and day.  So after every baby I have, we always brace for worst.  Kent took a whole month off of work after Zoey was born just to make sure I was well taken care of and he could be around to notice any signs of the depression coming back.  It never did.  After Nathan Kent, again, arranged to take a whole month off if needed but ended up only having to take two and half weeks.  Again the depression never resurfaced.  It was a relief to know that I was able to get on with my life and not be sucked into that horrible black hole.  Unless you've ever been there, there aren't words to describe it.  You see the world around you going on and you feel like it's passing you by but there is no way to get out and start living.  It's hard.  So, after having my gallbladder taken out I was kind of shocked to realize that depression would be something I would have to face again.  It never crossed my mind really.  I thought I would have the surgery and a few days later get back into my routines.  But after finally getting out of the hospital I realized that a few days was going to be more like weeks.  I'm very independent when it comes to my house.  I like to do the cleaning, organizing, straightening.  I don't like for anyone to really help unless asked.  So for me having to let someone else take care of that, it's hard.  It's hard seeing my kids out running and playing and yet again I'm stuck on the sidelines.  It's hard having to hand Nathan off every time a diaper needs changing or he needs to be carried from one place to the next.  I didn't realize that again I would be facing depression.  I'm so thankful though that I am aware of it and can take the necessary actions to not let it overwhelm me.  Today I was able to straighten up the house a bit and get it back into more of "my order".  Kent and I also got some alone time at the pool.  I laid out and he took Nathan in for a dip.  So we weren't alone, alone but Nathan doesn't talk and he is content when in the pool so it felt like we were alone.  And then Kent's parents looked after Nathan for a few minutes while we got some extra rays.  It was nice and it brought me around to the "happier" side of life.  I have also gotten back into my quiet times again.  Praying and reading the Bible.  I have always done this since being saved back in November of '03 but I always get out of my "routine" (hate calling it that really.. more of way of life) when having a baby or having surgery.  With the surgery I was out of it longer so it made me colder, if that makes sense.  But getting that back into my life and straightening my own heart out has helped more than anything.  And I knew it would.  I'm thankful for that peace to be back in my heart.  I needed it and I needed Him.  I know things will turn around for the best soon and I just have to be willing to wait and let it happen in the right timing.