Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Eh...

I'm in a funk...

I feel like lately all my decisions are wrong ones.  I'll do something and then rethink it later and can find 50 things I could/should have done differently.  I'm tired of second guessing everything I do.  I'm tired of wondering if what I say or the tone I use will come across hateful or fake or whatever.  You know?  Like I can say something like, "Hey.  How are you?" To whomever and I'll think to myself, "Did that sound "too" cheerful?  Did that come across fake?".  Does anyone else do this?  I can drive myself nuts sometimes.

There's not much going on here in "O'ville".  We are just readjusting to Kent being home.  I'm still waiting on my letter from the college to come back so I can take whatever next step I need to take.  I'm hoping all this college stuff falls into place.  Because it's going to have to work out in the right way in order for me to go through with it.  I am still having "guilty second thoughts" about going back.  I just don't want to take time away from the kids.  I know.. I know.. I will be giving them more in the end.  But sometimes it's hard to see the finish line when you are still at the starting line.  This all goes back to my previous paragraph.. it's a viscous cycle.

Without going into too many details, because well.. it's private stuff.  My family is going through a lot of decisions that we do have to look at all the pros and cons and see what is best for us.  It's hard decisions to make and I'm praying that we just do what God wants us to do and what would be in His will.  We want to do what is right for our family and what would be the best outcome.

Eh, like I said.. I'm in a funk.  I'm hoping the next entry will be on a happier note.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Emily
It sounds like Satan's attacking you. He's the king/decievor of second guessing. Seek God in everything and follow him and just fight Satan. When someone says "hi how are you?" is the thought that comes to your own mind "wow they don't sound too cheerful"? I think often we're just happy someone asked!

It's obvious you love The Lord and he wants only the best for you and your family. I pray that as you and Kent come to decisions you'll feel God's blessings upon you.

God Bless
Christy