*~*Sigh*~*

I honestly don't even know what to write right now.  I just felt the urge to add an entry into my journal.  Right now I feel sooo, how do I put it...*blah*.  I have noticed that none of my clothes fit, my face is looking fat, my fingers are swollen, my toes are swollen, my hips are the size of Texas, and oddly enough my butt actually pokes out (if you know me, you know that last one is a good thing...).  Anyway, I just feel ugly.  There is not an ounce of good self esteem in me.  I know I said that I wanted to wait as long as possible (and I'll probably eat my words later on) before Zoey made her appearance but I am so tired of being pregnant.  I mean think about it.  Starting in June of 2003--I was pregnant until August, lost the baby and got pregnant again in November.  Lost the baby in December.  Got pregnant in Feb. of 2004 and had Jon Kent in Nov. 04.  Got pregnant again in March of 2005 and will probably have Zoey in Nov. 2005.  So if you add all those months up I have been pregnant roughly 21 months.  TWENTY ONE MONTHS!!!!!!  I am grateful that God has given me a healthy boy and hopefully a healthy girl.  I know that there are people out there who can't have babies or are in the middle of a trying time of infertility (I have been there).  And it's taking me a lot to even write this because I hate to sound or seem like I am not grateful.  But I am just sooo tired of being pregnant.  I just want my body back.  I just want to be able to put my socks and shoes on without turning blue.  I want to be able to get in the floor and play with Jon Kent without hurting when I get back up.  I want to feel attractive again.  I want to fit in clothes that couldn't be used as a tent in a pinch.  I am in such a mood tonight I guess.  I'm just overwhelmed.  I'll be better soon I am sure.  It just seems like right now things just stink...