Just me thinking

I've been thinking...  Anywhere from the next fews day to the first of Feb. is going to be nerve racking.  When I had my D&C my doctor told me that as soon as I have a regular period to come back and have some tests ran on my cycle days 21-23.  They are going to run a ton of tests on me.  I'm actually in a small, tiny way hoping that they find something wrong.  Just so we can say..ok there..there was something wrong now we fixed it and now we  can have a baby.  But at the same time I don't want anything to be wrong cause if there is then that is what caused both of my babies to die.  It's like a Catch22.  But at the same time we could (but I highly doubt it) be pregnant right now.  We have tried to be as careful as possible.  But you just never know.  I just need yall's prayers.  That everything will go exactly the way God has planned it.  And that I won't get in the way of those plans.  I just want everything to go the way God has intended it to go.  I'm just anxious I guess to see what a baby of mine looks like...if it's a boy...will he look like Kent...will he be athletic...will he make good grades...will he have a tender heart.  If it's a girl..will she have blonde curly hair and blue eyes...will she look like me...will she like to play dolls or be a tomboy?  I just so ready to see what becomes of my children.  It's nerve racking to know what kind of mother I will be..but at the same time..I'm ready to find out.  I find myself day dreaming of all the what ifs...what if this were to happen or what if this had happened...  I just hope someday I can look back on all this and tell my baby what all mommy and daddy did just to meet you.....